Captious Digressions of an Ill Adjusted Mind

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2006-12-12T14:29:01Z

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rapierwit713 @ 2006-12-08T16:40:00

2006-12-08T21:40:42Z

Today, I tired of my hair, and decided to try something new! No-hair!

I went out, bought some clippers, and shaved my head completely. Now you can see how it happened! Let's see, the pictures are here somewhere...

Before:

Gah! No, that's not it! Try again!

Uh... before...?

Much better. And here are my implements of hair DOMINATION!

Fantastic! Except then I got... cold feet for a moment, and decided that perhaps instead of obliterating my hair entirely, I could simply... eh... obscure it.

But that didn't work. So, I got to clippin'!

It was gruesome. The hair blood... the hair entrails scattered about... the vicious pain and defenestration wreaked upon my enemy. Who would have thought that hair would reproduce and assault so vivaciously?

But then... After:

AAAAAGH!!!! My eyes, my eyes!!! Restrain the gorgon, I shall look not upon it!
Oh, it's me.

I like it. It's so comfortable. So sporty. So... cold when I go outside.

SO AERODYNAMIC!

Maybe I'll get more touchés now. And it feels so weird to wear a hat.

So much fun!

...

I AM ~~JEAN GREY~~ CHARLES XAVIER.

rapierwit713 @ 2006-11-30T01:23:00

2006-11-30T06:23:21Z

How the crap did I get so lucky?

my hands smell like Love Spell.
i'm looking at a stick figure cartoon,
a letter like a kiss, or at least I think so
i carry a votive inside, cause my heart gets cold
when there's no you, no leaves to slip on
lie on the grass
your head by mine
tracing fake constellations, we laugh out destinies
watching ours catch the same spindle
you live so near, it's almost gluttony
i'm knocking at your door again,
i'm sure i left something there.

rapierwit713 @ 2006-11-20T11:22:00

2006-11-20T16:22:21Z

The process of bringing His children into the light of his Truth and Reality and out of our constructed paradigms must seem to God like teaching a young child to speak in complete, proper sentences. He begins to show us Himself and we start to worship in one word sentences. He shows us our sins and heals our wounds and we add modifiers of interest and love and respect and humility. He starts to strip away our imagined self-understanding and the way our personalities work and the way we approach and engage the world, and we pull back, comfortable in the way we understand things, content to speak in our broken English, our childlike acceptance of perfect grammatical rule-following, forming spiritual sentences like 'I goed to the store', and 'You eated you sandwich' that have worked in the past but are so involved in control and confidence that they lack the full light of reality.

People don't need to have an imagination to deceive themselves and create a fantasy of truth, an unintentional alternate representation of reality. We do it without realizing it. Our past causes us unseen wounds that may not hold the obvious bile of bitterness and anger, but instead simply affect the way we look at or engage the world. A child's experience of his parent's divorce may cause him to become internal and withdrawn, defending himself from others by blocking himself off from having real personal relationships with them, content to remain surface friends. A person's returning struggle with the cycle of lust and repentance and lust again might lead them to lack any desire to submit to God-given, habit-forming willpower.

Those of us with more powerful imaginations, or more proclivity towards internal monologue have even more capacity for self-deception... intricate, involved ordeals that have so many layers and defenses that it takes more than a single experience of the cutting, peeling, surgical light of the Gosple to undo.

This layered reality becomes our carapace, our comfortable chitin of coping process. It's how we survive the hard things in life. They worked when we experienced the hard times, (though we would have been better depending fully on God), but in the long run, they have the consequence of being unreal, fantasy constructions that fail to have relevance or function. Why is it that when we try to speak the Gospel it has little effect? Because the Light hasn't penetrated through all the layers of construction yet (though it has to some extent), we have not been fully healed, fully remade, and so our speech has the taste of coping and forced happiness, instead of healing and joy. If the Light were to shear through each of our defensive fantasy worlds and fully and completely heal us, then the life and joy of true Godly change would take and conquer our soul and come out of our mouths. The kingdom of God and the kingdom of Self are both within us, and when the kingdom of God fully conqueres the kingdom of Self, it enters all of our being, impregnates our words and gives the spoken Gospel the wings of real human change, the mingling of human experience and Godly reality that God requires for evangelism.

When the light begins to penetrate our constructs, our alternate realities, it is very uncomfortable. If we continue to walk in God, our entire lives will be gloriously uncomfortable and on edge. We bring more of ourselves and our past to God to be healed and his truth peels away our ideas like the layers of an onion. There will be blood - these layers are our flesh, after all. But as Ephesians says, we do it 'to the praise of His glory'. Even this shelling of ourselves is not about us, and cannot be completed by introspection and self-analysis, but can only be done in pursuit of God, by subjecting ourselves to the piercing and loving Light of His Reality.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?"

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

rapierwit713 @ 2006-11-08T04:14:00

2006-11-08T09:14:19Z

I AM UP AT 3:56 AM IN THE MORNING AND AM WRITING ANGSTY JOURNAL ENTRIES AND I STILL HAVE NOT WRITTEN MY FREAKING FIVE PAGE NATIVE AMERICAN PAPER.

Also, I am alone in the world and nobody loves me. WOOT TIME FOR SELF-DEFENESTRATION.

(For the nuanceless ones... j/k. Some people love me. Uh...)
(Hm...)
(Well, I think I have parents...)
(They probably love me...)
(And I have a brother...)
(He might like me some...?)
(Oh yeah, I've got a girlfriend.)
(Hee... )
(Guess there's David... and Ray... they put up with me.)
(So, some people like me. Maybe.)

Also, the Democrats are about to take over the Senate *and* the House. I shall include a neutral smiley. Actually, that one looks sort of confused. Oh well. We'll see where they take us.

I have used far too many smilies in this post.

By tomorrow, my EVIL week of three-fourthterms will be over and I shall begin my murderous rampage in earnest I'll be able to start doing things again. Like talk to people. And do GCF. Start writing for myself again. Take up the oboe. Do work for charity. Raise a hobo as my own child.

I just turned in my second story to Naumoff. It's in rough rough draft form, but if I get it working, I might force it down your wormish gullets let you read it. It's about fencing, LSD, and what happens to LSD'd fencer chicks on the backstreets of Philly.

Sort of.

There's a cheesesteak in it for you.

Cheesetastic!

EDIT 7:00AM: I slepte not, neither... did I sleep. Verily, verily, I saye unto thee... mayst thou be smitten with smallpox in the sacred name of Jeffery Amherst, and mayst thine crops wither and die in the name of George Rogers Clark!

Don't forget.

2006-11-05T05:31:47Z

Remember remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot...

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,'twas his intent
to blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!!

rapierwit713 @ 2006-10-16T12:32:00

2006-10-16T16:34:10Z

Let's move on to Seth's Life: A Perspicacious Collage.

On Saturday I fulfilled the first part of one of my life dreams. A house-church pastor from China

(That's this country here)
has been staying with the Agape church in Maryland for a while and was able to travel down to Chapel Hill to speak in our church! If you don't know anything about the church in China, there are two basic churches. There are the government run, "Three-self" churches that are uber-controlled and useless, and there are the secret, illegal house churches that worship God as God demands. These people are under powerful persecution, and their pastors are often in and out of the prisons. God is working in China, and because of the persecution there, the dedication and worship of the people there would shame most of us here in America.

So he came and spoke to us. His name is Andrew. He has terminal cancer - his face is disfigured with tumors. His voice is slurred as he speaks his own language - his translator interprets, because the only English words he said were 'thank you'. He was saved eleven years ago, and has served seven years as leader of an underground church. The doctors in China and America could do nothing for his cancer, and so for four years he has had no treatments, no radiation, no chemotherapy - but he's still alive. God has kept him alive.

He spoke to us about the call of the Christian, Isaiah 6.

It was wonderful.

Now I just have to go actually see one of the house-churches.

On Sunday we had another local fencing open. For the first time this year, I did pretty well! I only won 2 of my 6 pool bouts, but in the DE's (Direct Elimination... like a bracket) I was seeded 24th against the number 9th guy... and I beat him! He had me down 6 to 11 (15 touches win) and I came back and beat him 15 to 14!!

So I made it into the top 16 and fenced against David, who is our top alternate (4th in the UNC Foil squad heirarchy. I fall somewhere between 7 and 9 at any given time.) He beat me15-8, but I did much better than last week, when he beat me 15-3. David has this awesome thing where he makes me impale myself on his point-in-line...

And then there was time for girlfriending this weekend, happily. I know you guys want to be introduced, so here's some pictures of me and her...

Here's me and Mary in Wilmington. We went with Ray and Beth earlier this semseter. At this point, I was just hoping...

This is us at Mary's house last weekend - they invited me over for food and fun! Here's a sparkler warfare...

More sparklers...

Woo! I'm on fire!

Here's Mary's little sister, Emily, who was lots of fun, and also quite proprietary of her older sister.

Rhyme of Sir Robin

2006-10-11T04:44:34Z

Ye Rhyme of Sir Robin
- Monty Python, Spamalot

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot!
He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin,
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave oh brave oh brave oh braaaave Sir Robin...

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned awaaaay...
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin...

His head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his nostrils -

"That's... that's enough music for now lad."

***

As you can see, I'm suffering from positive media input. Maybe the elusive and esoterotic Number Six will come to me sometime tomorrow. Two hours of Baltarian goodness! In other news, my midterms are almost over, by tomorrow at 1:00 I should be done with it all. Sorry about the paucity of my last updates, I just haven't had a lot of time recently, but I should have much more time after this week.

I'm working on lots of stuff, including fencing practice, my creative writing project, (and the beginning stages of my big personal project), midterms of course, a nice little monologue with Ray, church stuff, and then the things I *should* be doing, like GCF.

Thankfully, I get to find a little time for girlfriending in between. Hehe...

Also, I should probably do laundry sometime soon... phew. If they were bringing around plague-barrows and calling "Bring out ye'r dead!" I could totally pass my laundry bag off as a decomposing body.

So much to do, so little goat-entrails left to summon my servant demons with...

rapierwit713 @ 2006-10-08T00:23:00

2006-10-08T04:23:30Z

GAAAGH I NEED MORE NUMBER SIX ITUNES WHY DO YOU FOIL MY PLANS!?!?

Lord Foulgrin Says...

2006-09-25T16:27:13Z

Interestingly, my very first weekend at Carolina this semester passed without significant incedent.

Pfft. Haha. Right.

The voices and I started off with a Saturday full of delectable Japanese Buddhism, philosophical musings on the existence of free will, and a critique party of a couple rather wretched short stories. Truly, they were painful. The first one started off with smashed women calling guys asking them if they were virgins, and if so, did they want to do something about it, and leapt almost immediately into someone's bed, then culminated in a keg stand - the moral of the story being something like "Look at his rippling muscles as he drinks that beer down, he's obviously not a virgin."

... *scarred*.

The other one was actually a good idea - it was about a fat kid who made a video of himself being laughed at. It was just put together badly, probably was written the night before. But it was a good idea. And it didn't have a keg stand at the end, so I felt rather more beneficent towards it.

Oh, right. Then Sunday, the first foil tournament. Meh... could have gone better. Pretty awesome people showed up, and everyone in my pool was at least three or four years more experienced than me, if not more - except Christine, who destroyed me anyway 5-1. And oh, I almost left out that Mike, our foil coach, was in the pool too. My claim to fame this tournament was that I started out my bout with him by scoring an instantaneous 3 touches on him. After which, he slaughtered me, of course, but those three touches were wonderful.

And then there was Agape, which was the first time I've been to my church since school started. *Cough.*

And then the post-church extracurriculars, which I have to say, took the cake on so many levels. So much so, that today I keep frightening the people sitting around me by grinning inexplicably at inopportune moments.

And no, I'm not going to tell you.

Today, I'm hoping Randy Alcorn will give me some of his awesome. I'd ask Ted Dekker, but I think they've institutionalized him for a multiple personality disorder. If you know Dekker, and want to be him as much as I do, check out his website and watch his videos: "Ask the Mask". Watch for the dancing.

Speaking of Alcorn... and voices... here's Lord Foulgrin's morsel of temptation wisdom for the day: "Educated men serve us best because they're the most skillful liars. They draw from the deepest reservoirs of falsehood and rationalization."

Lord Foulgrin is right. Not just that it's bad to draw from the deepest reservoirs of falsehood and rationalization, although that's bad too. And no, he's not saying that its harmful to be Educated. Sorry guys. What he is saying is that intelligent people make the very best deceivers. Think it over - intellectuals are the easiest people to sway with a working, rational, well planned and emotionless argument. Once that is accomplished, and they've satisfied whatever level of natural cynical protection they've built up, they grab hold of the idea and formulate their own twists on the argument, their own reasons why its true. No one is objective, no one is unbiased. Having taken the argument as their own, they can spread it - for good or bad - in ways that sounds well researched, convincing, unbreachable, unassailable.

Just because someone brilliant believes something doesn't mean it has any validity. We've got to be smart ourselves and be ready with an answer to anyone who asks us a question of the hope that we have. The greatest proof for the Bible and Christ has nothing to do with scientific evidence, creation research, historical validity, philosophical worth, or even rational thought. Though these things are all important, and vital things to know about because they do show strong indications that the Bible has worth, they still aren't proof. The only proof we have of Christ is whether or not the Bible works. Does Christ change lives. Does He give people the power to be victorious over sin, habit, hopelessness, dispair. And most importantly, God tells us, does it give us the supernatural power to show His love. Not love: politeness/kindness/empathy/compassion. But Love: The overwhelming and self-sacrificing power that knocks people over with how much you care about their lives. Love that means you don't do what you would like to because you're too busy following the focuses of your Love, which is God's Love - Believers and Non-Believers alike. I'm just starting to learn how very different that is from anything I've had before, how self-centered I actually am, the difference between my empathy and my love.

Remember kids, Lord Foulgrin says: "Don't take it as an insult if they think you are ugly. Take it as an opportunity." FOR EVIL.

rapierwit713 @ 2006-09-18T10:11:00

2006-09-18T14:12:00Z

Back from Florida. The funeral was nice. Lots and lots of people came. I met the man who let grandma come up to Raleigh for her last couple of weeks. She was buried in a vault in a cemetary where much of the rest of our family is buried.

So, back to school. And a treasure map. And, a magnificent Treasure Hunter hat, a really big one.

First foil open of the year this weekend. Cheer on your favorite fencing squad, all you Carolina fencing fanatics.

A Superintelligent Shade of the Color Blue

2006-09-11T16:47:54Z

I know you've all missed me. In point of fact, I suspect you've all totally failed to notice that I haven't posted in quite a while, and have spent most of the intervening time picking lint out of your toenails, utterly unconcerned at my failure to update. And just like the Aztecs, who forced their tributary nations to supply young unblemished children for ritual human sacrifice in order to make their crops grow... I intend to force you, my own tributary minions, to suffer at my hands.

Just so that you can be anticipating it. I'll let you know when I decide to cash in.

Stayed up till 6:00 this morning finishing off a story... really, in the most executionary sense of that phrase. I have to turn it in, and I'm somewhere between moderately-to-fantastically displeased with it. Its a good idea, but I need more time, which I haven't gotten, due to my weekend ventures to the homestead - which I do not regret in the least - but which has not allowed me to get ahead in my studies. I'm bushed. I'll have to edit and update the story later... but I do have to turn in the first draft today. I did enjoy writing it though... now I have to make it so that people enjoy reading it.

Grandma's much worse. She doesn't really wake up now. I'll probably have to go to Florida in the next few days for the funeral. I really didn't want to come back to school at all.

So tired, and trying to keep everything in line. I'll leave you with the verse that's sustaining me.

"Therefore let us not sleep, as do others, but let us watch and be sober."

Plenty of time to sleep in glory. We've only got so much time.

Name

2006-08-24T01:04:46Z

My name is now in red! Joyous day!

rapierwit713 @ 2006-08-19T04:22:00

2006-08-19T08:23:24Z

Can't sleep. Thoughts of good friends in danger keep me up. I'll offer you a way home, if you'll take my hand. What an impossible distance it seems to reach out. At least as long as the list of my sins. I can't say if I'll be afraid or not. Consequences of failure are more than tears. You don't know it, but you're already dead.

Please Don't

2006-08-15T05:12:41Z

Feel so restless wanna go go go go go have a list of 13 things I need to do threw it in the air and it slapped the ground for me don't know what the plan is what the game is where the fun is but I'm finding it moving when you tag me and say go ready for the weekend ready for the year ready to launch ready to eat my heart out I found where I'm living and touched base and romance is somewhere nearby when I buy the new carpet wear the new shirt and realize that its all externals that have so little meaning that its funny when I take japanese religion instead of chem lab head hurts blood when there's no more of the ready to be done with stitches and talkers getting up when I'm well enough to make you wish you were me in the mirror and somehow I'm still here in the bedroom waiting for you to stop putting me on hold. Please hold my calls. I'm pirating your life.

Waitlisting as a Punitive Measure

2006-08-14T01:05:28Z

Okay, here's the so-far with the class registration. Because sophomores get the litter-runt classes, the backwash of course choices, our only real chance of getting anything good is to wait until late registration and keep on typing ENGL23W003 into the Add/Drop list until it spits out a "You have joined the course". So that's what I'm up to.

So far, we have...

Engl 206: Intermediate Fiction Writing - Fulfills a Requirement for my Minor. My pride and joy for the semester, only 6 members of my noob-Fic class made it to the next level. This is what I'm most looking forward to this year.

Phil 101: Introduction to Philosophy - Phil Requirement. Gotta have one sometime. Since this semester for me is all about the have-to-get-it-done-sometime-why-not-now classes, I'm taking this gem. It should be... bah. Easy, at least.

Amst 110: Native American History - Post 1700's History Requirement. I'm actually really looking forward to this one - so much that I don't even mind that it's messing up my "Do everything possible on Tuesday and Thursday and nothing whatsoever on Monday and Wednesday" plan. I've always been interested in this part of my heritage, but I know so little about it. I guess when I wrote that story about my great-great-great grandmother was when I realized I wished I knew more about my native American roots.

Ling 101: Intro to Linguistics - Social Studies Requirement. This'll take care of my final social science credits and remove me from the realm of anthropology and needless ethnicity gobbletigook forever. I cannot overstate the uselessness that social studies is to me... it has so little to do with my existence that it's vaguely painful. That said, I'm so glad that Linguistics falls under the social sciences. It is my salvation from World Prehistory, Anthropology 101, and What It Means to Be Whatever Ethnicity I Happen To Be. How that contrasts with my excitement about taking a Native American History course... I'll let you figure.

Reli 199: Religion in Japan - Social Studies Requirement. Although this was absolutely the last class I could possibly find for a Soc requirement and still retain some feeling of self-worth, this should be an interesting course. A last ditch effort it may be, but it sounds like it could be pretty cool - at the least it will allow me to complete social sciences without ever having to take Sociology 101. I'm happy.

As it stands, I'm satisfied with my classes. I'm still hoping to switch one of them out for Spanish II, but if I can't, it'll be okay. I retain some small hope of finagling them all into Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, but I'm not expecting that to really happen. If it does, I'll be pleasantly surprised. By the end of this semester, I'll have completed every single random Perspective that UNC forces on its students, and can focus entirely on my core classes, my minor, my languages, and my electives. Actually, now that I say that, it still sounds intimidating. Ah well.

15 hours in all. Not so bad, eh? I have several things to be thankful for, including:

1. NO CHEM LABS!!!
2. NO CHEM CLASSES!!!
3. NO CHEM LAB REPORTS!!!
4. NO CHEM TA's!!!

Odd. You might almost think there was a theme. A common denominator of some kind. Something that makes me unhappy that I am elated to avoid. Hmm... perhaps I'll figure it out later.

Tooth Fairy Hayday

2006-08-13T03:37:04Z

Whew. I just had my wisdom teeth removed, and I'm delightfully puffy and on fun medicine *and* steroids. Not the get-kicked-off-the-fencing-team kind, thankfully. All I remember is trying to sit up after the surgery and various nurses yelling at me to lay back down. But I wanted to go! Oddly, they wouldn't let me. Also, my mom tells me that in the car, I kept waving my hands in the air saying: "It's like, there's air, but there's no air resistance! See? Can you feel it? CAN YOU FEEL IT?!?!"

I had fun.

By this time next week, I'll be packing for UNC! Yay!

Also, main campus dorms! Woohoo!

So, goodbye to all my Friendship friends who I've been able to hang out with this summer - it's been great. Love Ya!

Delay...

2006-07-31T18:22:49Z

Still in Florida. For those of you who didn't know I was in Florida... well, I've been traveling all over this summer and haven't told you anyway, so there.

I'm probably going to be staying for a while longer. Unforseen Grandma difficulties have occurred, leaving her in the hospital almost the entire time we've been here. She's felt really bad that she's missed our visit. So we moved our mobile florida-base to the hospital and spent as much time as possible annoying her in her room. They had to get her a bigger room because we were all sardined in there and the nurses couldn't check her blood pressure and stuff without our elbows in her eyes.

Poor Grandma. I stayed the night up there with her one night, giving my mom and aunt and grandad a break. I got to talk to her for hours before she fell asleep. I fear I won't get to do that many more times.

Also: I was quite vanquished in the annual Flush Tournament Risk game. I shall no longer be the defender of the Flush Tournament Plunger, although I do get to keep the one from my previous victory. The game isn't over yet, Tara, Josh, and Taylor are still in the game. Personally, I think Taylor's got the win - she's holding Austrailia, and Tara and Josh have just expended themselves killing my nomadic mongolian 80-man army. The nomadic mongolian approach almost worked... had the other players not wanted revenge against me for how awesomely I played them against each other last Flush Tournament.

*Grins*

Cledonomancy

2006-07-22T21:44:32Z

I just thought I'd put this in here, because an inordinate amount of people seem to have been confused by it.

Five or six entries ago, I posted that God's will for my life was no longer to become a missionary, but instead, to become a 'Cledonomancer'. Grant me a moment of exposition.

This was sarcasm. Cledonomancy is an art closely tied to ornithomancy, the divining of the will of the gods through the flight patterns of birds. Cledonism is the art of chance encounters - you can create your own prophesies by walking down the street, hearing random words and organizing them into a message straight from the gods. This gives the cledonomancer great leeway in the interpretation of the gods' wills.

Let me be very clear. God's will is not for me to be a cledonomancer.

Nor do I feel, personally, that I could do anything else with my life than some kind of full-time ministry. Whether that be a missionary, a missionary trainer, a teacher, a writer, I don't know, but that's my goal. Not ancient pagan mystical arts... even though that is a major at UNC.

Perhaps you can still sense the sarcasm.

Crunchiest Musings

2006-07-21T04:26:51Z

My dad and I made Crepes Perisienne for the first time tonight.

Yum.

In other news, Rachel Eschenbach has eyes of doom, my brother is alive and well in the Caiman, and I've come to the very, very end of my Battlestar Galactica series. Can't wait for it to start up again... ah, Number Six, you are my muse.

Today, every song I listened to touched my romantic's soul for some reason. (As opposed to my other souls: writer's, warrior's, sluggard's, ninja's, megalomaniac's...) I don't know why. One interesting thing I've found out about me that I can't identify with other people about: I'm never lonely. I have never been completely and utterly alone and wished someone was there with me. Sure, I need other people to keep me sane, motivated, and enjoying life, but I've never been 'lonely'. Odd thing, that. They say that one only knows loneliness once one has known love. But what do they know?

Bah, the clumsitude of a blog! ~~Bares deepest, crunchiest, innermost musings to the world.~~ Hey, on that note, I had an interesting mini-discussion with Ray the other day about the teenaged angst years. We both came to them late, he and I. I speculated that they didn't get into full swing with me until I was 16, and didn't end until I was 18. He said, nah... 17 at the most. I suspect though, after thinking about it, that I never had them in the sense that most people had them at all. 'Angst' for most people is that intense, intense feeling of emotional frustration and confusion that manifests itself in their life somehow between 14 and 20... sometimes forever. Most people manifest it by causing strife in their relationships with their friends and parents, rebelling and being angry and worried - by forever trying to express themselves and failing. They don't know who they are, why they are, and they don't know what to do about it.

Angst is at it's base a complete lack of peace. I just never manifested it. I had a fairly good relationship with my parents that's lasted until today, a great group of friends and self-expression galore. But looking back, I was the definition of Melancholy/Phlegmatic personality type - I had so much confusion, so much internal frustration that I never, never allowed anyone to see. Except maybe, maybe my best friend, but only a little of it, and only occasionally. I hate it when people say "You could never understand me" but honestly, I'm not sure many people could have, because I had a tenuous grasp on it myself. Like my favorite Dorian Grey line from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen... "What *are* you??"

"I'm... complicated."

Which movie went on to absolutely murder Dorian Grey's story, by the way. Sigh. Such is life. I had a good life, a good family, even though my parents had gotten divorced, God got me through that. But so many ideas, so many things pressed themselves on me all the time, happiness and sorrows, hatreds and grey areas, desires and yearnings that were so often in conflict with one another that I could barely keep my head straight. Complicated. And not even things that everybody else seemed even remotely concerned about, so I had no one to talk to about most things, really, other than, again, Ray occasionally.

Poor fellow had to put up with a lot, being my friend. This one time, like the second or third year since he'd come to FCS (our high school), he invited me to... oh, something that had something to do with people from his church, games, and ice skating... was it the WOL Superbowl maybe? I don't remember exactly, but what I do remember is that he invited me. It was also the first night I'd ever heard' Sadie Hawkins' Dance' by Relient K. I embarrased him sooooo much, I know it. Although he was a great sport. But in front of all his Mount Vernon friends, and very possibly a girl he was dating at the time, I went out on the ice skating rink, round and round screaming WOOO!!! WOOO!!! COME OUT THIS IS SO FUN!! or something like that. I concurrently managed to say the most idiotic things in front of all of his friends that I'd never met, and to be fantastically nerdy in general. By the end of the evening, he must have been sorry he brought me, although he never said a word about it. I amused myself.

But that has nothing to do with angst.

So, even with my teenaged mental and spiritual complications making my head spin rather consistently, there was still abundant joy there to enjoy life. It wasn't that there wasn't happiness, there was just... everything. Too much of everything - joy and incredible, paralyzing melancholy. I was never un-genuine, I was in fact quite genuine - I just made an effort when I was around other people to make use of the joy and save the messed up crazy stuff for later, where I could lay in bed and lock my door and watch the fan blades spin as I dove into that morass of needs and voices that is my soul.

Until last summer, I never fully escaped... well, escaped is not the right word... controlled? Got over? Even that's not entirely true because the same feelings and emotions and thoughts are still there. But when I was in Curacao last summer, I learned how much God longs to be the peace in our lives. I'd known God could give peace, but I never really applied it in a tangible, experiential sense. I never gave enough of myself up to experience it, I guess.

I'm complicated. So, I guess, is everyone, although surely about different things than I. But God brings peace to the chaotic, and a balm to the confused and frustrated. If you walk with Him. Everyone who realizes that there must be more to life than what we can see, than good and bad, right and wrong, the rules of religion and the morals of our parents - everyone who recognizes that there must be something deeper than experiencing God as our King and Judge - everyone who is complicated by concerns about the nature of life and people and yourself and why... God has peace, and he has that more that we're looking for.

God makes us unsatisfied and confused so that we go out searching for more. As Randy Alcorn said, we can only truly lose ourselves and find ourselves in Him. But its not enough to say it - we have to each of us find that out for ourselves. I know God's peace, I really, truly do, and this year since Curacao has been the first year in my life since I was saved that I honestly feel like it wasn't one step forward, two steps back. We'll have to wait and see. It's an adventure.

...

In addition...

Which Biblical Villain Are You?
Judas Iscariot
You scored 37% Pride, 5% Envy, 57% Ambition, and 65% Deceitfulness!

You are Judas Iscariot, the disciple who betrayed Jesus. Many Christians would consider you to be one of the worst villains who ever walked the Earth. Jesus himself said that it’d be better for that man if he had never been born. As horrible as that sounds, you do have some good qualities. You were a humble servant of Christ for three years. You also genuinely cared about your fellow man. You had compassion for the plight of your people. This compassion and your ambition, eventually led you to betray Jesus. Your ultimate goal was to overthrow the Roman Empire and set up the Messianic Kingdom in Israel. You thought Christ came to Earth for this purpose. When you found out that Jesus was not going to do this any time soon, you betrayed him to the authorities in hopes that this may provoke Jesus to wield his powers upon the inhabitants of the Earth and save Israel. Your ambition took you out of accordance with Christ and eventually led you to the dark side. Your deceptive nature made you a perfect candidate to betray your master. Only a snake can hide out in the leader’s circle for three years without being noticed. Well…Jesus knew, but the other eleven didn’t have a clue. You’re pretty sharp.

OTHER BIBLICAL VILLAINS A Child of Israel The Serpent The Phillistine Judas Iscariot Jonah The Demon The Fallen Angel The False Prophet Goliath Pharaoh King Nebuchadnezzar Caiaphas King Saul Cain The Antichrist Satan

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 17% on Pride

You scored higher than 0% on Envy

You scored higher than 47% on Ambition

You scored higher than 76% on Deceitfulness

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=10531125146878970544

As it were, a meme.

2006-07-12T20:02:17Z

Its not *my* fault I get sucked in. It's my friends. They suck. Me in, that is.

✓ I miss somebody right now.
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (Except... Battlestar Galactica. Oh Number Six, thou art my muse.)
✓ I own lots of books.

✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (Contacts, baby, contacts. Put your hornrims away.)
× I love to play video games.
× I've tried marijuana.

× I've watched porn movies.
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.

✓ I curse sometimes. (Curse you, Billy Bob! Curse your progeny! Curse your minivan! Curse your bobbleheaded canines!)
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (Always change is with me.)
✓ I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (Mwahahaa...)

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
× I'm paranoid at times.	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (Maybe trim down the left butt cheek a little? Who knows? OMR right big toe you must be shaven down to match the left!)	✓ I need/want money right now. (When is this not* true?)*
× I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning. (omr, no.)
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	✓ I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (Dramatic productions, people.)	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
✓ I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings. (Under control. Hopefully, you'd never know.)	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	✓ I slept with a roommate. (Uh... you mean... like... in an entirely asexual basketball trip way, right? Right? Gah...)
✓ I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	✓ I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before. (So much better than being rejected, I have to tell you.)
× I currently like/love someone.	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	× I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	✓ Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	× I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
✓ I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	× I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	× I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	× I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	× I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal. (I hate questions like these. Jimmy is the Axis of Normality.)	× Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	✓ I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons. (Hoooo yeah!)
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits. (Well... um... yeah, actually.)	× I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	✓ I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. ("Dude, that one musta weighted seven pounds!" "Wait, let's check!" "Yep! Seven and a half!!")
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	× I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
✓ I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place. (Library.)	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night. (Who wrote this question? Oh my...)	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	✓ I have hit someone with a dead fish. (HAHAHAAA!!!!)
✓ I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	× I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	✓ I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
× I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays.
× I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	× I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	✓ I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

rapierwit713 @ 2006-07-11T14:41:00

2006-07-11T18:43:11Z

I suppose its time to blog again... but I can't really think of anything to say. I could tell you what I've done today... but it would really only interest me. I mean, I've read some cool stuff, written some interesting things, drawn a funny thing that amused me, and generally been a wastrel. I worked out, ate a chicken pot pie, and watched TV during lunch... I cleaned some things, organized others, and thought about doing some work that needs doing... then didn't.

I need UNC.

I can't wait to go back. I miss the constant learning, the constant growing, the hard work, the usefulness. I miss being under my own power, and not having to let someone know where I am all the time, you know? Its comforting sometimes to be somewhere and think, you know, right now, nobody knows where I am, and nobody's looking for me. *Deep contented sigh.*

I miss fencing. I miss deadlines and writing papers, studying and learning something new every day. I miss being challenged and the exciting feeling of growing in my church, with my friends beside me. I was very ready to have the semester over a month ago, but now I want to go back. I am so perverse.

I miss the warfare of daily life. I miss prioritizing, and turning down an offer to go do something fun so that I can keep up with work - or even better, realizing that I have time to do whatever I want and hanging out with friends.

I know. I chose to hang out with my family this summer, to spend one last summer going and doing all the crazy travel stuff that we like to do. I'm happy I chose this - it will probably be the last time I can. I'm just a bit bored. And I feel like I'm not getting anything done. Of course, I am having a chance to read lots of good literature and work on some of my short stories, which I wouldn't have a lot of time to do during the school year - I'm also having time to get stronger before fencing season next year.

I just need challenge. Its not that I don't love being with my family, or with my old friends. It's just... it's just like returning to high school again. I don't want to go back. I need to go forward.

I made the right choice. God and I have been able to iron out lots of things in my life this summer, and I feel like I've had the chance to be helpful to some other people, a little. I haven't been able to get a job, because of the constant traveling, which increases the feeling of not-doing, but my Johnston Scholarship at UNC gives me what I need to live off of and more for next year - I'm not in any financial trouble. That's good.

I could have done a lot of other things with my summer. I wouldn't have been able to be with my Grandma, though, and that matters a lot to me. You can't possibly know how much. I made the right choice. Still, it's a bittersweet one.

In other news, top researchers have recently discovered the canadian bacon is actually ham!

Meme... what does it mean?

2006-07-05T21:02:18Z

Because I'm weak and Impressionable, and because Amanda did it....

1. How tall are you?
x: 6’1’’

2. Have you ever smoked before?
x: Yes. Oh, you mean like weed or cigarettes. No.

3. Do you own a gun?
x: Ditto from Amanda: “Ahahaha no. But I do have swords.”

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
x: Schizophrenia

5. How many letters are in your crush's name?
x: Pfagh. Like I have a crush. Okay, four.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
x: Good with bacon and cheese.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
x: Ukrainian Bell Carol. Ingersoll version.

“Here comes the queen

She’s bald and mean

Humans she hates

Assimilate

Phasers on stun!

Borg on the run

And never fear

Janeway is here!

All resistance will be fuuuutile!

All resistance will be fuuuutile!”

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
x: Water.

9. Do you do push-ups?
x: Yes.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
x: Any parents or role modelee’s reading this? Oop, there’s one. So… no.

No really, no.

No, for serious. No.

11. What's something not well known about you?
x: I bud asexually every two years. Also, I have an extra bone in each foot which gives me a larger foot surface and increased running endurance. Actually, that’s true.

12. Do you like painkillers?
x: I don’t like morphine, but I do enjoy that laughing gas stuff. That’s trippy.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
x: Cluelessness.

14. Do you own a knife?
x: Hah. Do I own a knife.

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
x: Well, sometimes I think – hey, a newt! No, no I don’t, actually.

16. Full initials?
x: SAI

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
1. Oscar Wilde = <3

2. Looking forward to Agape tonight.

3. ---------------------- ? (censored for public sanity)

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today.
x: Nothing.

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
x: Sierra Mist, Water, Sprite, Gatorade, Milk

20. What time did you wake up today?
x: 9:30 For shame. Usually, it’s at least 6:30 or something. Stayed up late watching Battlestar Galactica…

21. Can you spell?
x: Ocasionaly. Usually, yes. The word personnel often boggles me.

22. Current worry?
x: Grandma w/ cancer.

23. Current hate?
x: Can’t think of any right now. I’ll get back to you.

24. Favorite places to be?
x: UNC Chapel-Hill, the fencing room on campus, Ray’s backyard, my room.

25. Least favorite place to be?
x: Any place with lots of people.

26. Where would you like to go?
x: Feasible places? China, Siberia.

27. Do you own slippers?
x: No. Gah.

28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
x: Hopefully, either writing novels, teaching impressionable minds, or in a foreign country.

29. Do you burn or tan?
x: Both, in unfortunately small increments.

30. Yellow or blue?
x: Blue

31. Would you be a pirate?
x: No. I have enough booty.

32. What's your favorite food?
x: Chicken Cordon Bleu? Maybe?

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
x: “This is the Moment” from the Jekyll and Hyde musical.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
x: Anything out of the closet. If the closet door was closed, I was okay.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
x: Knife, Pen, Koga

36. Last thing that made you mad?
x: I can’t… really think of anything.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
x: I broke my wrist once, when Mr. Baker hit me with a baseball. I don’t get injured that often.

39. What is your GPA?
x: Grr. 3.2. For now.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
x: 5

41. Who is your loudest friend?
x: Rachel Eschenbach. That’s probably because I just talked to her on the phone and she did an impression of a firework, but hers is the first name that comes to mind… no offense…

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
x: Not currently. That I know of. Again, the cluelessness.

44. Do you wish on stars?
x: Nope.

45. What is your favorite childhood book?
x: The Hobbit

46. What is your favorite candy?
x: Reece’s.

47. What song did you last hear?
x: “Battle Cry” by Pillar

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?
x: “5 Minutes” by Stephen Curtis Chapman, “Glory Defined” by Building 429, “Lifesong” by Casting Crowns, “Our Happy Home” and “We Win” by David Crowder* Band, “Rain Song”, by Day of Fire, “Fly Away” and “One of these Days” by FFH, “Every Season” by Nicole Nordeman, “Better is One Day” sung by Rebecca St. James, “Pressing On” and “For the Moments I Feel Faint” by Relient K, “After the Music Fades” by Shaun Groves. It’ll be a long funeral.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
x: Watching Battlestar Galactica

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
x: “Gah, I still smell like smoke.” From the fireworks, people, the fireworks.

REAL YOU

would you rather...

[x] Ask someone out.
[ ] Be asked out.

[ ] Have a sunny day
[x] Have a rainy day

[x] Have a computer
[ ] Have a cell phone

[x] be poor & live till you're 100.
[ ] Be rich & live till you're 30.

[ ] Be blind.
[x] Be deaf

[x] Have it be Winter all year round.
[ ] Have it be Summer all year round.

[ ] Be beautiful.
[x] Be loved.

[x] Take a bath.
[ ] Take a shower.

[x] Be born poor and die rich.
[ ] Be born rich and die poor.

[ ] never have to go to school.
[x] never have to go to the dentist.

[x] Never feel physical pain
[ ] never feel emotional pain

[x] Wear contacts.
[ ] Wear braces.

--------------

You are

[ ] Short. 5'0 & Shorter.
[ ] 5'1 - 5'3.
[ ] 5'4-5'6.
[ ] 5'7 - 5'9.
[x] 5'10 - 6'1.
[ ] Tall. 6'2 & Taller.

Naturally

[ ] Blonde.
[ ] Redhead.
[ ] Auburn.
[ ] Brunette.
[x] Dirty blonde
[ ] Light Brown.
[ ] Dark Brown.
[ ] Black.
[ ] Don't Remember.

[x] Blue-Eyed.
[ ] Brown-Eyed.
[ ] Green-Eyed.
[ ] Hazel Eyed.
[ ] Gold|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Silver|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Blue|Green-Eyed.
[ ] Blue|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Change Colors

You Have/Had

[x] Glasses
[x] Contacts.
[x] Braces.
[ ] none

Hair Length

[ ] Bald
[x] Short.
[ ] Medium/long
[ ] Long Hair

You've Done

[x] Rafting.
[x] Water Skiing
[x] Camping.
[x] Horseback Riding.
[ ] Surfing
[ ] Water Polo.
[ ] Skateboarding.
[x] Skiing.
[ ] Street Luging
[ ] Cheerleading.
[ ] Lacrosse.
[ ] Street Hockey.
[ ] Gymnastics.
[x] Martial Arts.
[ ] BMX.
[x] Tubing.
[x] Rock climbing
[ ]Dance

You Can't Stand Listening To

[ ] Country
[ ] Classical.
[ ] Techno.
[x] Oldies.
[ ] Opera.
[ ] Reggae.
[ ] Emo.
[x] 80's.
[x] Disco.
[ ] Metal.
[ ] Hardcore.
[ ] Rock.
[ ] Rap|HipHop.
[x] R&B
[ ] Classic rock.
[x] Polka.
[x] Gospel

Clothing Brands You Like

[ ] American Eagle.
[ ] Hollister.
[ ] The Buckle
[ ] Abercrombie & Fitch.
[ ] Wet Seal.
[ ] O'Neill.
[x] PacSun.
[x] Aeropostale
[ ] Dickies.
[ ] Roxy.
[ ] Guess.
[ ] Hot Topic.
[ ] Spencers.
[ ] Tripp
[ ] Champs.
[ ] Old Navy.
[ ] urban vibe
[ ] Forever 21
[ ] Limited Too.
[ ] Salvation Army|Goodwill.
[ ] Other thrift stores.
[x] Wal*Mart.
[x] If I like it I'll wear it.
[x] Other.

Your Confessions

[x] I am reallllly ticklish.
[ ] I've collected comic books.
[ ] I read and watch the news.
[x] I LOVE Disney movies!
[ ] I don't like killing bugs.
[ ] I have/had x's in my screen name.
[ ] I cook well.
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class
[ ] I like Martha Stewart
[ ] Ozzy is my hero
[x] I love church.
[x] I always do (did) my homework
[ ] I still have my pokemon cards (toys)
[x] I've cut myself before (like, on purpose?)
[ ] I like sneezing

Consequences of Drinking Only Water

2006-06-20T18:11:22Z

So, update on the Grandma situation - she's still in recovery from her operation, but she's doing loads better, she's walking around and everything. The op definitely helped her, and extended her life, but unfortunately, there's another tumor on the primary artery to her liver that's going to be a problem. They did a biopsy on it and are hoping to figure out if there's any chemo that will affect it. It's been two weeks and they haven't said anything, so that's a little distressing, but we're hoping.

Thanks to all the people who were praying for this.

I got to go to the dump yesterday. For... work purposes. Certainly not to scavenge used furniture for the apartment that I'm going to be renting. Or deadly waste substances. I'm always struck by how much it smells like overripe tomatoes. Tomatoes being a fruit that I generally enjoy, it brings a tear to my eye to consider how many perfectly good tomatoes our wasteful populace has discarded. Live on, tomatoes!

They'll build a housing development or something over it. It'll be okay. A hundred years from now all the people in the neighborhood will wake to find tiny tomato vines springing up everywhere which will launch the plague of killer tomatoes that will eventually scour the Americas and much of Canada.

Tell me, is Canada another country, with a completely seperate sovereign government, or has it slowly become so beholden to our nuclear awesomeness that it's grown into us like a tumor? I was reading the program for my cousin's graduation, and it said "Students come from 26 different states, 5 foreign countries, and Canada." What?! Wouldn't that be... six foreign countries? I think that this is the beginning of a very deadly rhetoric. Canada is it's own nation, people! Fully functional as a seperate populace! Besides, they don't need our nuclear power...

They have the RCMP.

Fear the Mounties.

Sam was with us when we went to the dump. Sam Johnson, that is. We had lots of fun, and he also filled me in on many of his diabolical plans for the next Acheron mission, which is going to be located at Ramsey's (Sam's character's) home planet of Cariso. And not only will there be Borg there, but there'll be sexy Borg there. The Borg will be slimmer, scarier, and a whole lot more attractive. Like... it's the swimsuit/ninja edition of the Borg Collective. Also, while working at the dump, each of us who were being employed in the 'work' received an extra bonus danger pay for working with Sam... Sam got a double extra bonus danger pay for working with himself. Mm... that extra 50 cents will sure be tasty...

Also, when drinking only water, be prepared to make approximately 247 % more trips to the urinal. Just so's you know.

rapierwit713 @ 2006-06-10T00:31:00

2006-06-10T04:32:05Z

I've decided that becoming a missionary is no longer God's will for my life.

What is, you ask?

Why, I'm becoming a cledonomancer.